A Little Ways Till Morning
by Gaming Fractal
Summary: Surviving doesn't always mean living, as Olga learns. A what if- Olga didn't physically die fic.


A Little Ways Till Morning

Summary: Surviving doesn't always mean living, as Olga learns. A what if- Olga didn't physically die fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Fate series

* * *

Everyday was a cycle. At exactly nine am, one of Chaldea's automa servants would arrive with a tray of food for her breakfast. She would then be left to her own devices until noon where an automata would return with her lunch. In the early afternoon she usually deigns to take an afternoon nap. But when she wakes, she would then need to find a way to occupy herself until seven pm, because that is when dinner is served. It is around ten that she falls asleep.

This is how her days pass since her return to Chaldea. But every now and then there would be a slight deviation from her routine in the form of a health checkup, room cleaning service, or the occasional visits from others. It wasn't exactly a fulfilling everyday, but she tried to make the best of it. At the very least, she wasn't completely bored out of her mind as Chaldea had an innumerable number of books to borrow in the library. It was those books kept her busy for most of the day.

If she had to voice a complaint, it was that unless she remembered a particular book in the library and requested said book, the books that the automata would retrieve for her would be completely random. She would have gone to the library herself, but her body wasn't well enough for such an excursion yet. So for now, she will try to be patient with the random selection.

But all in all things weren't that bad for her, all things considered. If she needed something all she had to do was press a button and an automata servant would come to her aid. Things were also going well in Chaldea. The new director was finally shaping up, while Fujimaru and Mashu were getting stronger by the day. New servants were also being successfully summoned to help them in their cause, and the condition of the other master candidates in cryofreeze was stable. Both aforementioned things brought an incredible relief to her.

Her own condition had also improved a lot compared to before, which was good. Things were fine as they were, and they were only going to get better from now on. She repeated those words like a mantra, because who knows, maybe one day they'll ring true.

* * *

Every now and then she had trouble sleeping, and it seemed that tonight was one of those nights. Knowing that she probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon, she started to count the cracks in the ceiling for the nth time. It was, as she discovered, not a bad way to pass time until morning comes, when she didn't feel like doing any reading. But as she counted the now familiar cracks, a small morbid part of her wished that the cracks would grow larger until the ceiling itself collapsed on her.

Realizing what she had just done, she quickly shook those thoughts off. "No, I can't think that, I was fortunate enough to have survived." But as soon as the words left her, a meaner part of her seemed to snap back. _Fortunate? As if._ The teen, familiar with where that train of thought was heading to, tried blocking out those kinds of thoughts before returning to her counting. However, her traitorous mind continued down that spiral. _Surviving that incident was nothing but misfortune._

"Twelve, thirteen, fourteen…" The girl pressed on in the hopes that the voice would stop. _You survived, but is there any point in living anymore?_ The voice pressed on. _You're now infirm!_ "But I'm still at a better state than the other master candidates." She shot back, immediately regretting it. She regretted it, partly because she ended up responding to the voice's taunts and mostly because she used someone's misfortune to make herself feel better. The voice seemed to laugh cruelly at her.

 _Oh how far you've fallen. And you call yourself an Animusphere?_ The voice seemed to sneer. _Father may have done unspeakable deeds but at least he did it for the sake of the future. Can you say the same?_ The girl shut her eyes as she tried to calm her breathing. But the voice was relentless. _You're nothing more than a failure. You may not be in cryofreeze like the other masters, but you're nothing more than a waste of space._

"That's not true." She grit out. _Oh but it is. Your injuries from the explosion weren't as bad as to require cryofreeze, but you know, don't you? That even with magecraft the chance of you walking again is zero. "That's_ wrong. Romani Archaman said that it would take time, is all." _And you believed him like the naïve fool you are. He was only giving you lip service because he felt sorry for you. After all that blast ended your life as a mage._

It seemed like time seemed to stop then for the girl. "Just stop it." She pleaded, but her words went unheeded. _You will never be able to use magecraft again. You might have ceded the position of director to Archaman but that's only you trying to save face. The truth is that the moment you lost your magecraft you stopped being qualified to be Chaldea's director._

 _Is there any point of you being here still when you have nothing to contribute to Chaldea?_ The girl whimpered at that. _You're only staying here not because you are needed, but because the others pity you. Oh and maybe for the fact that you're an Animusphere, for whatever that's worth now..._ _But that's not even the worst part is it? Ironically enough the only reason you're still alive is that-_ "Not another word!" She commanded with enough force to send a lesser man running. However the voice remained undeterred. _Running from the truth, are we? How pointless._

 _The only reason you're alive is because he let you go._ She shut her eyes as she begins to shake. No more, she just wanted this to end. _He knew the state your body was in which is why he didn't kill you. He thought that just killing you would be too easy, which is why he condemned you to live a pointless existence, and allowed you to go back._ She could feel the tears forming as the memories of that day begun to flash through her mind.

 _Really, you have no one to blame but yourself. Like a fool you hung to his every word, never noticing what his real intentions were until he stabbed you in the back._ _If you had just noticed or had learned to suspect him a little then that tragedy could have been avoided._ Her tears fell freely then as the voice continued. _Back then_ _ _Mashu already warned you! Yet you ran to greet him, too happy to see him to notice that things were amiss!_ _

_You really are hopeless Olga. This is why you have never been praised or acknowledged by anyone, and no one will do so in the future. You are someone who couldn't be a master, someone unable to rayshift, and now you can neither be Chaldea's director or a mage... Well enjoy counting the cracks on the ceiling, that's all you're good for now._ The voice finally stopped, but the teen known as Olgamally Animusphere was too far gone in her grief to be relieved.

* * *

"You look like hell." If Olga wasn't feeling so drained she would have glared at the man in front of her. But instead she focused on the task at hand and applied concealer under her eyes. "Lassy, even if you hide you hide the redness with that stuff, your eyes are still bloodshot." He returned but she merely waved him off. "That's what the eye drops are for." She answered evenly as she set down the cosmetic product on the folding tray in front of her.

She then reached for the eye drops but a hand held her wrist, holding it in place. "You don't have to hide it you know." But she merely shook her head. "Nonsense. What if someone else drops by? No, even worse, what if that someone was Fujimaru, Mashu, or both? They already have enough on their plate with saving the future of mankind. The last thing they need is to add my personal problems to the pile." She answered evenly.

But the man's frown only furthers. "That's what you always say." He says with some displeasure, but releases her wrist all the same. In turn, she continues with her task. "Saying it repeatedly doesn't make it less true." She tells him before using the eye medicine. When she is done she looks at him instead of the mirror on the folding table. "How do I look?" She asks and he sighs. "Like you need a nap, but it's passable. No one can tell that you've cried for gods know how long."

"Good." She says and some tension leaves her body. She then turns to her current visitor. "So I heard you are going out on a sortie later?" The man can tell she is trying to change the subject, but answers anyways. "Yeah, there's going to be a supply run later." He answers and Olga only nods. There is a moment of silence and then. "Any special requests? Not sure if I'll be able to grant 'em, though."

She immediately feels relieved, because she can tell that he's decided to drop the previous topic, at least for now. However a part of her hisses at her own cowardice. "I don't really need anything… But a book would be nice." She answers and he gives her an incredulous look. "Another book? I just got you a few of 'em from the last supply run, and heck there's still a million books in Chaldea's library." He tells her. "Chaldea doesn't have a million books, they should be in the hundred thousands at most." She corrects.

He levels her with a look, and she coughs into her hand. "...Besides, I already finished reading the books you brought back, and recently the automata have just been getting me reference books." She huffs. "Can't you just tell them to get non-reference books?" He returns, but she merely shakes her head. "Even if I did that, as long as I don't give them a specific title, they'll be giving me whatever, which includes shopping catalogs and... p..n…ma..te..l…" She mumbles the last part.

"Sorry, didn't quite catch the last bit." He says and her face colors. "...I said that they sometimes bring back pornographic material." She says in a slighly louder voice, her irritation and embarrassment clear in her expression. There is a moment of silence before he begins to laugh out load. This time she does glare at him. "There's nothing funny about this." She says irately, her face still flaming. But he only laughs louder.

"Who knew that automata had such raunchy tastes?" He jokes and she levels him with an unimpressed look. "Seriously though, I heard that Chaldea's library had a every genre, but never would have pegged that it also included por-" "Don't say it!" She almost screeched before groaning into her hands. "Those probably belong to the staff or something, they didn't have a barcode at the back like the other books." She says and he hums in thought."That makes sense…"

"Hmm? Wait a sec, if the automata brought that kinda thing back to you what did you do with them?" He asks face filled with curiosity. "...Did you have the automata put them back where they found them or something?" He asks and she huffs. "Of course not! I had them burned. It was bad enough that great literary works and Thaumaturgical masterpieces were used to hide them." She answers hotly. "…Besides those kind of things aren't allowed in Chaldea." She mutters and he gives her a chuckle. "Strict as ever I see."

"...But someone in Chaldea must be feeling the loss." He teases, amusement clear in his eyes. "…Alright, lassy, I see your point. I'll try to bring back a few books for you." He says. "My, how noble of you." She remarks dryly and he gives her a lopsided grin. "Well someone's got to stop you from destroying all the porn mags in Chaldea. Gods forbid another one end up in your hands." He jokes and she harrumphs. "Caster, I do hope that you have better taste in books than an automata."

* * *

After the Irish Caster leaves to prepare for the sortie, Olga is alone again. Not that was anything new. She is no longer the director and as such she is no longer needed for everything. _Or anything anymore really,_ the self-depreciating part of her says. But she tries to stamp those negative thoughts out. She had to stay positive, if not for herself then for the others. She sighs before moving to grab a book from her nightstand. It would at least give her mind a few hours of peace(escape).

* * *

Olga thinks she is like a doll ever since her return. She is there as a mere an ornament, but having no actual use in Chaldea. She has no duty to attend to, no responsibilities are thrust upon her except to focus on her own recovery. But she wonders if that's only a convenient excuse to get her out of the way. Her brows furrow at that thought. She and Archaman may not be on the best of terms, but she acknowledges his capacity as a doctor, which is why she knows he wouldn't lie about her condition. Moreover, she would have never given him the position of director had he been so spineless to be unable to tell her the truth straight up.

A sardonic laugh escapes her then. In the first place, she didn't become director entirely because of her own merits. Perhaps her merits did contribute to landing her the position, but she knew the truth. Her being the director had a lot to do with the fact that she was her father's only heir and that she was an Animusphere, one of the top ten families of the clock tower. Her hands clenched at that thought. Now she is only an Animusphere in name.

The blast had severely damaged most of her magic circuits, and if that wasn't bad enough, the incident had caused a good portion of her family's magic crest to be lost. She winced at the thought. Even the Animusphere's best tuner would take a few generations to repair it completely. The Animusphere had a long and prestigious history, and the thought that all of her ancestors' efforts would end with her had almost caused her to have a mental breakdown.

But as time passed, she had somewhat come to terms with reality. In truth, her feelings of regret, helplessness, and frustration still remained. As she couldn't assuage those feelings, she just learned to conceal them better. They were her burden to bear, not anyone else's. There is a knock on the door and she straightens up immediately. She hurriedly takes the hand mirror that has a permanent place by her bedside and glances at it.

She fixes the messy locks of her long hair and changes her expression to look more as Olgamally Animusphere should, or at the very least to avoid looking like the miserable existence she feels she is. "You may enter." She says trying to sound confident and lively. The door opens and it is Fujimaru and Mashu on the other side. A teasing smile appears on her face. "Took you two long enough. Now what news do you have for me today?"

Olga thinks she is like a doll. Much like an ornament, she is left mostly on her own and waits patiently for someone to visit her. But when visitors do come, she does her best so that they will not catch even a glimpse of her real state. She acts as she should, and while she is aware that they are treating her like glass, she pretends to not notice. To them she must remain the proud and headstrong Animusphere heiress that they know.

If she needs to hide her pain and weakness in order to give them a peace of mind, then so be it.

* * *

She was back in Fuyuki. One glance was enough to tell her that she was back in that cave. A figure then stepped out from the shadows, one that she knew very well. He turned his attention on her. "It is truly a shame that you ended up surviving, Olga."The man sneered as he looked at her with cold eyes. He lifted his arm and she felt herself begin to levitate. "But at the very least the hateful Animusphere family will end with you."

He closed his hand, and suddenly she felt unimaginable pain as if she was being strangled and crushed at the same time. She couldn't move and even breathing was excruciating. "W-why?" She wheezed out, but his face remained the same. "St-stop thi- ahh!" She couldn't even finish because the pain suddenly intensified. The next few seconds felt like an eternity to her. Then all of a suddenly the pain stopped and she felt herself falling back to the earth.

As she lay there, completely helpless she could only look up at his figure that gazed at her as if she was the most disgusting creature in existence."It would be but a mere trifle to end your pathetic life. But you do not deserve such relief." He then turned back. "Go and return to that world, and be crushed, foolish child of Animusphere. Think of this as a punishment for your family's arrogance." He then began to glow. "L-Lev! W-wait..." She pleaded, arm reaching out for him despite the pain.

Despite her plea, she can see him beginning to disappear.

"LEV!"

* * *

She wakes with a start. Her eyes are shot open as she immediately sits up. Her breathing is ragged and tears are flowing down her face. In her disoriented state she can feel someone hold her by her shoulders, and she starts to flail. The person doesn't let go though and just keeps a steady hold on her. "That was just a dream. Breathe, Olga, you're safe now." The person says, and it takes her a few seconds to recognize voice. But when she does, her body immediately sags.

Her tears don't stop though, yet he says nothing. He doesn't let go, he just pats her back as she comes undone. It is sometime later when her tears have dried, and she is completely drained. She then glances at the Caster that is now seated on her bed. In hindsight, she realizes that it was the first time she has cried in front of him-or anyone for that matter. But now that her emotional outburst had ended, she could feel her mind beginning to work again.

"What are you doing here by the way?" She asks, voice hoarse, but without accusation only curiosity. She saw him shift slightly. "Ah, I was on my way back to my room after some late night training when I passed by your room and heard you crying and shouting." He answers before hurriedly adding. "I did try knocking, but you didn't answer." There is silence for a moment. "...Is that so?" "You're not mad I entered without permission?" He asks and she shakes her head. "Too tired to be mad."

* * *

"I dreamt of Lev and what happened back at Fuyuki." She eventually admits and sees him go rigid. "It's not the first time, and it probably won't be the last." She says bitterly as she covers her face with her hands. He says nothing and for that she is immensely grateful. Right now, she needs neither refutation nor reassurance. Perhaps it was because he had already seen her at her worst, or maybe she was just too tired to care at the moment, but soon enough words start to spill from her lips.

As if a dam was broken, everything started to come out. From the things she had decided to keep hidden, to the things she didn't want to admit even to herself. All throughout he kept his silence, but she knew he was listening. But once everything had been said, she had never felt more exhausted. She was already sleep deprived, but after all that crying and her disclosure, she found it hard to even keep her eyes open.

He sighs. "Olga get some rest." He tells her gently yet seriously. It is the first time he has spoken since she started divulging her secrets. In turn, she stubbornly shakes her head. "No, 'm fine." She slurs. "You're not fine. You can't even speak properly anymore." He says before gently nudging her to lie down. While she probably wanted to refuse, her sleep deprived body says otherwise, and like a ragdoll she falls down on her back.

He then rises from the bed before tucking her in. He can see her eyes beginning to droop dangerously, but she was still refusing to give in to sleep. "Don't worry, I'll be right here." He tells her before plopping down on the seat beside her bed for her visitors. Her expression turns into something more vulnerable and unsure as she looks at him. "...Do you think… things will things get better?" The question is unexpected and it takes a few seconds before he nods.

"It might not be today or tomorrow, but things will look up." He answers solemnly before tucking away a stray lock of her hair. "Surviving today means you can start living tomorrow." "Hmm." The word has barely left her lips when sleep finally claims her. It is not the first time she has fallen asleep due to exhaustion but it is the first time in a long time that she has fallen asleep feeling a bit lighter.

* * *

Hours have already passed but the Irish Caster has yet to move away from his spot. A pensive look wa on his face. He knew she had her share of shadows, but she was even worse-off than he originally thought. He thought back to the first time he saw her after being summoned in Chaldea. He couldn't believe his eyes, she was a far cry from the tenacious and determined Olga he met in Fuyuki. It was as if she was a mere shell of herself. Of course the others had filled him in on what happened after he and that Saber disappeared.

So he knows exactly who is responsible for her current state. Lev Lainur Flauros. He had committed the name to memory as someone he'd would very much enjoy tearing to pieces. It was bad enough to betray someone who trusted you completely, but to trample upon them was unforgivable. He was brought out of his musing when Olga shifted slightly in her sleep. A small frown marred his face. While she was physically alive, he had no doubt that she was slowly dying on the inside.

He had been worried because it seemed that all it would take was one small push for her light to go out completely. But as he looked at the sleeping teen, he remembered her ferocity and the rawness of her emotions as she spilled her secrets. In that moment, it was as if her soul itself was ablaze. He had seen hints in the past, but he was sure now that she still had some fight in her, even if she didn't know that herself.

A small chuckle escapes him then. He had never expected to get so attached. At first, it was only because of the brief camaraderie they shared back in Fuyuki, and the fact that it was her magic that helped him back in his fight with that Archer, that lead him to check in on her from time to time. But at some point, seeing her get better became one of his priorities. He partly blames this change to fact that he was summoned as a Caster again.

As he was now, he couldn't help but want to illuminate her path after seeing her struggle to pick up the pieces. After tonight's events he thinks she's finally reached the starting line. "…Don't let your light go out." He whispers quietly in the dark to her still form. One day, he thinks to himself, she'll be able to face herself. The process might be long and difficult, but he'll happily walk that path with her.

For now though, he's content to let her sleep in for some much needed rest. Caster glanced at the room's sole window. "Looks like its still a little ways to morning."


End file.
